99 Problems

In his hit hip hop song 99 Problems, Jay Z says he has 99 problem but none of these problems are a "bitch"(also known as a woman). This got me wondering what could Jay Z's 99 problems be. So I decided to make a list of what I think they are. Remember A Bitch Isn't One.



I started off by reading his lyrics and I was able to find 9 problems

1. The Rap Patrol


2. The Gat Patrol


3. Foes that want to make sure my(Jay Z's) caskets closed


4. Rap Critics


5. Radio


6. Rap Mags who use him(that is censored)


7. The Law(no comment)


8. The Paparazzi


9. The D.A.(no comment)

So through the lyrics I was able to eliminate nine problems which now leaves me with ninety. I am now going to eliminate another thirty with one word. Taxes. I will now begin the countdown of Jay-Z's sixty other problems. I am making all of these up. They are not his actual problems, this is my made up fictional account of his problems(Taxes are included in this).

1. A Passport
   
2. He went over the limits of his credit card.


3. The brim of his hat got a bend in it.


4. The Yankees recent loss to the Florida Marlins in the 2003 World Series(Jay is a big Yankee fan for those of you not in the know)
5. Taxes, dammit already said that
6. The ending of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which had made him very angry especially at Cornelius Fudge, the minister of magic.
7. Sirius Black's death in the Order of the Phoenix.
8. Auto Tune
9. Lost
10. Eminem
11. Kanye West
12. Biggie
13. Tupac
14. Method Man
15. Red Man
16. Outkast
17. Napster
18. iTunes
19. His record Label
20. A Visa
21. Working Papers
22. The plumbing in his new home
23. The electricity in his new home
24. Taxes
25. Dammit again
26. Cholera
27. His dog's medication for heart worms
28. His cat's medication for heart worms
29. His Badgers medication for heart worms
30. Radiohead
31. Severus Snape
32. Bellatrix Lestrange
33. Voldemort
34. His iPhone
35. wait they didn't exist then
36. scratch that one
37. Elmer Fudd
38. Someone broke into his house and deflated all his basketballs
39. And left a massive dump in his toilet
40. It was clogged for the next week
41. A woman
42. Wait that doesn't count
43. Pirates
44. Baltic Pirates
45. Internet Pirating
46. Pirated DVDs(he always bought ones that didn't work)
47. Geese
48. Ducks
49. Flamingos
50. Lawn Flamingos
51. Garden Gnomes
52. Real Gnomes
53. A computer virus
54. A virus virus
55. Urban Outfitters(its the root of all evil)
56. American Apparell
57. Skinny Jeans
58. Hipsters
59. Gangstas
60. Women