The Benefits of Ziplines

Ziplines are an incredible method of transportation. They allow the rider, more commonly known as the zipper, to glide peacefully and quickly from place to place. They are extremely effective and are not used enough in our society. All of our country's transportation involves cars, trains, and other motor vehicles. We need to get rid of this trend. If we replaced our motor transportation with the swift zipline, we would get rid of all our transportation problems. One of the main problems with our current travel methods is exhaust and the release of harmful gases into the air. With the zipline this does not happen. There is no use of any gas in the zipline(besides human flatulence). It does not create pollution like the traditional vehicles. It will be much safer for the environment if we implement ziplines as our main mode of travel. Another benefit of this natural transportation is that we will no longer be slaves to gas prices. We are a country that lives off of gasoline. It keeps us running. Everyyear we dump millions into the oil industry. By using ziplines, we take away the chains that tie us to gasoline and oil. Along with the environmental benefits, ziplines will also bring about a safer way of getting from place to place. It will eliminate traffic accidents. With the zipline, there is an even speed for everyone and offenses such as illegal turns, driving off the road, and driving on the wrong side of the street, will be succesfully eliminated. If the driver is not fully attentive this will no longer be a problem. There is no way to stray from your lane and the only way to change direction will be at the strategically placed towers which will hold the system together. Also, the problem that is Drunk Driving will be eliminated. There will be no problem with drunk ziplining. Well there might be, but its not as bad as drunk driving. While someone who is drunk driving endangers himself and others around him, the drunk zipliner does not. The drunk zipliner can only hurt himself. This can be done in a number of ways. Not strapping properly into his harness, not strapping his harness properly to the line, or falling off one of the towers. In no way does this harm anyone besides the drunk. Ziplines allows itself for use by drunks. It does not put others in harms way when a drunk is ziplining and therefore does not create a large problem. The ziplines final benefit is its quickness. Instead of starting a car and putting it in drive and backing out of the driveway and making a K-Turn before they start their voyage, a zipper only has to clip and zip. The zipper is on their way faster than the driver. In a recent timed experiment in my head, it took a driver five minutes to make a mile journey, while it took a zipper two minutes. This is a three minute difference. Imagine this ratio and greater lengths though. Say, five hours to three hours or five days to three days. In a world increasingly dependent on innovative transportation, I suggest the zipline as an environmentally friendly, safe, and quick way of travel.

A Letter to the Essex County Development and Construction Commission(if it exists)

Dear Essex County Development and Construction Commsion,

I was recently turning onto Bloomfield Ave and when the light turned to green there was so much traffic that I was unable to make my turn onto the street. The cars were so far backed up that they blocked the way into the road. This is ridiculous. Something needs to be done about the traffic situation on Bloomfield. I know as government beuracrats you don't have the ability to think of a solution, but I do. I propose that to eliminate the traffic problem on Bloomfield Avenue you ask the state to ask the federal government to fund the building of creating a second tier to Bloomfield Ave. The road would be similar to an expressway. It would have one exit in each town to get on and off. My studies show that most traffic on Bloomfield comes from people passing from town to town. If you make it so that the top level is used for this purpose it will get rid of over 50% of the congestion on the roads. This would then free up the lower level for those just trying to get to businesses in the towns they already live in. The creation of a "local" lower level and an "express" upper level will be the perfect cure to the traffic mess plagueing Bloomfield Ave. Also, Bloomfield is known for its parking problems. The creation of the upper level would allow access to parking facilities on top of businesses. I don't know how this will work. It probably wont but it seemed like a good idea. I will post my home drawn plans at a later point if you care to see.

Sincerely,

The Hawk

PS to my readers who don't know what Bloomfield Ave is sorry, once we get the federal funding you will no longer have to read about it.