My Not So Epic Return

I am sorry to all of you who have spent the days since August 15 depraved with lack of Superman posts. But in true Shwarzennegar fasion "I am back." We all know about the economic downturn of our country. Our country can barely afford to pay its debts and is on the verge of bankruptcy. I propose a solution to fix this, it entails selling sponsorships to all our nations landmarks in order to raise revenue. Here are some early proposals.

The Washington Mutual Monument
The White Castle House
The Food and Drug Administration brought to you by Wendy's
Smith and Wesson's Smithsonian Institute
Macy's Department of the Interior (Martha Stewart Certified)
The Mall of America's National Mall
Chick-fiLincoln Memorial

Eight Great Places to Take a Vuvuzela

1. A Tennis Match
2. A Movie Theater
3. An Art Museum
4. A Library
5. A Golf Course
6. A Wake
7. A Church
8. An Emergency Room

The Three Funnest Things to Do While You Wait For the Shower to Warm Up

1. Distort and Manipulate your face in the mirror.
2. Distort and Manipulate your voice while you look in the mirror.
3. Distort and Manipulate your face and voice while you sing the entire album In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel, in the mirror.

The Aquarium

While I was in New Orleans our group of volunteers went to the Aquarium in that lovely city. Aquariums are always a great time, you know. Seeing little sea critters trapped behind glass which you can tap on in order to torture them, I really can't think of more fun things than that. But torturing the fish was really all just a blur and I can only really recall three things from this nautical nonsence. First was my ultimate stare down with those infernal spawns of satan, the disgusting, the fowl, Moray Eels. I have an absolute compulsive fear of these satanic creatures of the deep so when I first saw them out of the corner of my eye I tried to walk away but I couldn't. So I manned up went in front of the tank, stared the eel in the eyes and said "F*** You, I am not F****** scared of you you piece of shit." My next memory is the Barracuda Exhibit. I have held a grunge against the entire race of Barracudas after their behavior in Finding Nemo, and I made sure they knew it. I put my face up to the glass and said, "I know what you did to Nemo's family and if there wasn't a layer of plexiglass in front of us so help me god I would spear you right between your two ugly eyes." When he didn't answer me I began to bang on the glass and curse at them. Apparently this was inappropriate because Aquarium Security pulled me off the glass and escorted me out. On my way out they escorted me through the Gulf of Mexico exhibit and out of the corner of my eye I spotted the sponsers of the exhibit. At the top of that list was none other than BP. Aren't aquariums great.

New Orleans

Everyone I am sorry I will be leaving you for at least the next week. I am going to New Orleans and will be gone. On that note it is definately not reassuring to see that the weather is calling for some sort of tropical storm.

That Guy: That Guy Who Runs to the Rides at Water Parks

Today I was at a Water Park(thus the evident theme of the day). While I was there, I was that guy who runs to every ride. Who has to be there first. That guy who will beat you to the ride at all costs in order to go quicker. That guy who is willing to trample over your three your daughter in order to get on more rides. I was that jerk off.

The Water Park Song Song

Water Parks are Fun
You go there in the sun.
One Day I will own one.

It will have sharks at the bottom of every ride,
Barracudas at the bottom of every slide,
And Moray Eels on each tank's inside.

When the ride is finished
Your excitement won't be diminished
As you race these sea monsters you'll scream "blavinished"

Water Parks are Fun
You go there in the sun
One day I will own one.

I will not feed the monsters I keep
I will make them hungry beyond belief
So beware as you go sliding into the deep.

They will probably not have eaten for days
And your aroma will attract them like women to gays.
But this doesn't matter because I will be counting the money you pay.

Water Parks are Fun
You go there in the sun.
One Day I will own one.

Our food will be of first class.
But it won't be striped bass.
It will be something you won't want to pass.

The remains of the people who don't survive the treachorous swim
Is what will be served, so you'll eat a her or a him.
I assure you the taste is not very dim.

Water Parks are Fun
You go there in the sun.
One Day I will own one.