Fuck BING

I ran a search on my blog today. Little did I know that my search engine was the piece of shit that is BING. Superman was not listed in the search. I then searched it on google and the first hit was Superman. So basically Bing can go suck a large fat piece of chicken cutlet.

Facebook

Over the past few months I have been taking my friend's blackberry when her guard is down and setting embarrasing facebook statuses. It went on so long her aunt(who happens to be her facebook friend) began commenting on these statuses saying that whoever was doing this was "immature" and suggested to my friend to get new friends. My friend throughly embarrased, first blocked her aunt on facebook and then sadly blocked me from her phone via a lock.(Note to all I will figure out how to get around the lock). So in honor of the facebook film The Social Network, I offer you five of the posts

1. Senior year starting off with a bang love yyou girlsssssss


2. workin like a dawggg at da p double o l


3. To quote Wayne Coyne "life goes fast/its hard to make the good times last" lets savor these last months together girls


4. feeling like the worlds sassiest spitfire... if you agree like this super statusss!!!


5. vtown lifeguard girls were undeniable. daisy dukes one pieces on top

Has Eugene Levy Ever Been In A Movie Other Than an American Pie

Today at lunch I was forced to choose between watching Maid in Manhattan on FX or American Pie Beta House on Comedy Central. After much consideration I decided I couldn't watch a movie based on the presence of Patrick Dempsy alone so I chose the American Pie which happens to be the sixth in this series. About ten minutes in, much to my surprise,method actor Eugene Levy entered into the picture. I actually take that back, I was not surprised that Eugene Levy appeared and he is not a method actor, he literally plays the same character in every movie, and every movie for him happens to be an American Pie movie. I really don't think Mr. Levy has appeared in a movie that's title does not begin with American Pie. Once again I correct myself, he has also appeared in the masterpiece Cheaper By The Dozen Two. I actually think Mr. Levy might not actually exist outside of these movies. I am going to go as far as say that there is no such person as Eugene Levy and that he is a creation by the directors of the American Pie series.

My Not So Epic Return

I am sorry to all of you who have spent the days since August 15 depraved with lack of Superman posts. But in true Shwarzennegar fasion "I am back." We all know about the economic downturn of our country. Our country can barely afford to pay its debts and is on the verge of bankruptcy. I propose a solution to fix this, it entails selling sponsorships to all our nations landmarks in order to raise revenue. Here are some early proposals.

The Washington Mutual Monument
The White Castle House
The Food and Drug Administration brought to you by Wendy's
Smith and Wesson's Smithsonian Institute
Macy's Department of the Interior (Martha Stewart Certified)
The Mall of America's National Mall
Chick-fiLincoln Memorial

Eight Great Places to Take a Vuvuzela

1. A Tennis Match
2. A Movie Theater
3. An Art Museum
4. A Library
5. A Golf Course
6. A Wake
7. A Church
8. An Emergency Room

The Three Funnest Things to Do While You Wait For the Shower to Warm Up

1. Distort and Manipulate your face in the mirror.
2. Distort and Manipulate your voice while you look in the mirror.
3. Distort and Manipulate your face and voice while you sing the entire album In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel, in the mirror.

The Aquarium

While I was in New Orleans our group of volunteers went to the Aquarium in that lovely city. Aquariums are always a great time, you know. Seeing little sea critters trapped behind glass which you can tap on in order to torture them, I really can't think of more fun things than that. But torturing the fish was really all just a blur and I can only really recall three things from this nautical nonsence. First was my ultimate stare down with those infernal spawns of satan, the disgusting, the fowl, Moray Eels. I have an absolute compulsive fear of these satanic creatures of the deep so when I first saw them out of the corner of my eye I tried to walk away but I couldn't. So I manned up went in front of the tank, stared the eel in the eyes and said "F*** You, I am not F****** scared of you you piece of shit." My next memory is the Barracuda Exhibit. I have held a grunge against the entire race of Barracudas after their behavior in Finding Nemo, and I made sure they knew it. I put my face up to the glass and said, "I know what you did to Nemo's family and if there wasn't a layer of plexiglass in front of us so help me god I would spear you right between your two ugly eyes." When he didn't answer me I began to bang on the glass and curse at them. Apparently this was inappropriate because Aquarium Security pulled me off the glass and escorted me out. On my way out they escorted me through the Gulf of Mexico exhibit and out of the corner of my eye I spotted the sponsers of the exhibit. At the top of that list was none other than BP. Aren't aquariums great.